Episode 15 - Employer

A sudden realisation - it spreads across his face - like he was holding king of clubs - and someone had the ace

A second hand is useful - especially on a watch - and that way you can time yourself - whilst playing with your crotch

There was one small occasion - when I went out on strike - I didn't go to work all day - coz someone stole me bike

I'm at my very weakest - when in a bubble bath - the steam and foam and oils and stuff - just makes my spirit laugh

Endings and beginnings - we love them equally - you start off going for a drive - and end up with a pee

Knowing what the meaning is - and meaning what you know - is altogether different - from eating yellow snow

It's nice to be agreeable - and say yes when you can - unless the question's got to do - with sex inside a van

I once had obligations - I kept them in a drawer - and when I went to look at them - I found I had two more

Going home is brilliant - it's nice and warm and cozy - and suitable for sleeping in - when you are feeling dozy

I saw a ya the other day - out riding on a bike - I called out to it "Hi Ya!" - and it said "Call me Mike!"

We all escape from something - as soon as we are born - now I've escaped so many times - my tunnel's getting worn

Is it really pleasureable - to be chained to a wall? - well when I'm asked that question now - I'll just say "Not at all!"

Episode 14 - Poisoning

"Us and them" some Boyscouts say - when they're creating sides - "you have to choose what team to join" - (I did - I chose the Guides)

Egg Custards are easily - the best cakes in the world - they crunch and slurp inside your mouth - and make your toe hairs curl

If you get critters in your food - it can be quite upsetting - but please just get to know them first - before you smack their head in
Size can be deceptive - and sometimes small is best - but not when people point and laugh - when you've just got undressed

Some folk like to dish out food - (they're often known as 'feeders') - their 'victims' are the ones who eat - and they're the big fat bleeders

Getting away's a great idea - just grab a bag and run - until you reach a lovely place - somewhere in the sun

Table lamps are very good - for seeing in the dark - but not for keeping creatures in - for that you need an ark

Each day I seize the moment - enjoying life as well - I want to live life to the max - before I go to hell

Its nice to be agreeable - to nod and smile alot - but people take it way too far - and end up kissing bot

One thing I'll remember - one thing I'll forget - the other thing I'll realise - when I get soaking wet (is that the second thing was an umbrella)

Heaven knows how many times - I've asked the question 'what?' - with all the info that I gained - I soon became a clott

Four letter anacronyms - they follow me about - they slowly creep up when I sleep - and punch me in the snout

Episode 13 - Suspicious

I started off suspicious - and then became convinced - so I went to the bathroom - and made sure it was rinsed

Making moves is easy - I'd make them when I could - sometimes out of Plasticine - but mostly out of wood

Table lamps are brilliant - they light each night your way - towards the heavenly boudoir - where you can laugh and play

Living on a cabinet - was my life as a lamp - it could have been much worse I guess - I might have been a tramp

Voyeuristic tendencies - are very overrated - like being in a classroom where - you can't get maths debated

Perverts come and perverts go - and all that's left is sticky - so spend some time dressed as a lamp - before you take the mickey

When I become defensive - (because I love my job) - I make myself go really hot - by sitting on the hob

It's lovely being protected - I wish I could be too - then I'd spend all my waking hours - protecting me from you

You can be so wonderful - you can be so true - and what is even better - is when I'm with you too xxx

Episode 12 - Rescue

I was once just rescued - but not from certain death - just a drunken hedgehog - you should have smelt his breath!

There's nothing I like better - while I still have my health - than sitting down with company - and talking about ......myself!

Forteen times seems reasonable - especially when in bed - a squirrels never satisfied - unless they're given head

Saving lives is very well - but saving them for what? - I've saved them up for years and years - and now I've got alot

I find that self employment's - the best lifestyle for me - and who'd employ a squirrel - who's height is one foot three?

Takeaways are popular - its how I get my food - I really love Donna Kebab - but she just thinks I'm rude

Fast food is my favourite - it comes in little boxes - I often eat the chicken wings - a favourite with foxes

Ramps for this and ramps for that - they're simply everywhere - I've heard that some disabled even - have ramps in their hair!

I think I thought of everything - when I thunk hard last week - I thanked and thanked for all week long - ......and now I've grown a beak!

Summarys are useful - to let you stress those things - that can be done on sunny days - that Summary weather brings

Its easy to forget - if you go away alot - I thought I'd had a holiday - then realised I'd not

Sometimes in denial - we tend to just forget - I never do myself, i just - have not remembered .....yet

Episode 11 - Holiday

Oooooooh I do love holidays - just lazing in the sun - then going dancing every night - whilst drinking lots of rum (although this does tend to spill it)

Is it true echoes can't hear - the quacking of a duck? - perhaps that's why the stupid things - just quack away like fuck!?

I had a slide in my back yard - it was tremendous fun - I went down it the other day - and ripped off half my bum

I've had so many holidays - my memories not clear - it could be brandy, rum or coke - or vodka wine or beer

Thailand is a wonderous place - so full of dance and song - and if you go into a bar - do ask to play ping pong

Grumpy people get me down - they always seem so deary - I think they need their nipples tweaked - (well that's my latest theory)

I believed I was "The One" - but had to go much higher! - some people nailed me to a cross - and called me their "Messiah!" (but I'm just a naughty boy)

Remembering the mountains - can have its tricky bits - you know, at least, that they're not flat - they look like massive tits

Accidents are 'innocent'! - there's no-one there to blame! - so drag your broken legs way! - behind your zimmer frame!

What is it with you lot? - you don't respect a thing! - while squirrels die all over town - you fiddle with your ring!

Anyone can be the same - it's easy if you want - just go and change your DNA - you stupid gormless C**T!

I knew some girls who lived near me - their fingertips were blistered - then I found out their proper name - they were the Pointer sisters!