Madness is a weird old thing - it goes straight for your brain - it slices it and mashes it - and pours it down the drain
A fearsome looking clubber - with jump leads for a tie - was once refused admittance - in case he started something
I often find I'm searching through - a catalogue on metals - except when I stay in and whip - my back with lovely nettles
Turn me on (my girlfriend said) - and treat me how you dare - I made her hold my red hot nuts - then scrape nits from my hair
I couldn't ever stop now - not even if I wanted - because you see my vest's possessed - and my underpants are haunted
I used to hang round cacti - some really are quite big - and if they fall on top of you - you don't half feel a prick
Reality is something else - about which I don't worry - but it comes back to haunt you - just like a nice hot curry
Well here and there I've often found - are the same coz I've been there - except that one is short and bald - the other one's got hair
When faced with sticky problems - not wishing to look dumb - just smile and say these clever words - ha ha, he he, ho hum!
I used to have a welcome mat - to say "hello" to guests - but they were taking bits away - to make wigs for their chests!
"I wish someone would need me" - I told my pal Betty Swollocks - she smiled and walked towards me - and then kneed me in the bollocks
Questions questions all the time - but what's the bloody answer? - "Can I dance or not?" I ask - coz I feel like a prancer
Madness is a weird old thing - it goes straight for your brain - it slices it and mashes it - and pours it down the drain
A fearsome looking clubber - with jump leads for a tie - was once refused admittance - in case he started something
I often find I'm searching through - a catalogue on metals - except when I stay in and whip - my back with lovely nettles
Turn me on (my girlfriend said) - and treat me how you dare - I made her hold my red hot nuts - then scrape nits from my hair
I couldn't ever stop now - not even if I wanted - because you see my vest's possessed - and my underpants are haunted 
I used to hang round cacti - some really are quite big - and if they fall on top of you - you don't half feel a prick
Reality is something else - about which I don't worry - but it comes back to haunt you - just like a nice hot curry 
Well here and there I've often found - are the same coz I've been there - except that one is short and bald - the other one's got hair 
When faced with sticky problems - not wishing to look dumb - just smile and say these clever words - ha ha, he he, ho hum!
I used to have a welcome mat - to say "hello" to guests - but they were taking bits away - to make wigs for their chests!
"I wish someone would need me" - I told my pal Betty Swollocks - she smiled and walked towards me - and then kneed me in the bollocks
Questions questions all the time - but what's the bloody answer? - "Can I dance or not?" I ask - coz I feel like a prancer
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